The Idea of Government Service

At times, serving the United States can feel like an out-of-body experience. I think about that a lot more these days, as I observe members of the administration traveling in the U.S. and overseas. 

The first time I put on a military uniform, I saw a physical connection between my name and the American flag – and the idea of serving the United States in an official capacity sent a surge of pride through me. In various roles since then I’ve thought about that moment. 

I’ve thought about my naiveté, my idealism, and my respect for the power of this country when we put our collective energy to positive use. I’ve thought about my recognition that I was a part of that power. 

I remember feeling like an imposter in the nation’s service. The honor of representing the United States of America should be reserved for our Olympians or for Tom Clancy characters. The uniform felt more like a costume than anything else. 

Five years later, I found myself at NATO Headquarters, attending a Partnership for Peace committee meeting and taking notes behind my boss, who was at the table representing the U.S. alongside representatives from 20 other countries. 

A minute into the meeting my boss turned around, motioned for me to stand-in for him at the table, and left the room without saying a word. I was 22 years old, sitting two feet behind the words ‘United States.’ 

When I observe members of the administration these days, I wonder whether they see government service the same way I do. Do they feel what I felt on that first day in uniform? Do they feel what I felt five years later, sitting at that table? 

Two years ago a DoD memo stated, “Those entrusted by our nation with carrying out violence, those entrusted with the lives of our troops, and those entrusted with enormous sums of taxpayer money must set an honorable example in all we do.” 

It can start to feel ‘normal’ over time – these missions. It’s possible to execute … to do the job … and to detach from what I felt so many years ago. There are other moments, though, when the privilege of it all floods back. 

To me the power of the United States was most tangible when I was boarding a government plane, flying overseas, and riding in foreign motorcades. I flew with military commanders in 737s and with Secretaries of Defense in the “Doomsday” plane. 

Today, when I see a person like Stephen Miller (or Ivanka Trump) traveling overseas, I think about what it’s like to be in those situations. It’s heady business and I can’t help but think some officials are play-acting, not acting in the Nation's interest. 

There’s a sense some of these officials sit at the pinnacle of government and aren’t possessed by the idea of representing the country, but rather about the idea of fighting enemies, real and imagined. 

There’s a smug smile of satisfaction on the faces of some, like Mike Pompeo, who seems more interested in the plane and the motorcade than in the Constitution and the Nation. He too put on a military uniform one day, and I wonder if he still thinks about that moment.